When I see pictures like this, I always envision my future daughters walking together in the city and being close and exploring different and beautiful things at the same time.
After a long day at work, this has become something I crave.
So, so gorgeous. She sort of looks like my hair dresser.
I always figure that I have 24 hours, two sets of 12, and I can get a lot done. I do not worry about the hours of sleep I will get or the time I have to awake. I am constantly drinking some sort of drink to stay away and keep my mind of what I need to get done.
But how important is this?
Recently, I decided to take a fourth class. Which means - full time student. Being a full time student is lot more than I bargained for. For one thing, I am exhausted. I am surviving off of coffee and water. I take short naps to help me get some energy. And tomorrow is my “friday” of school and then Friday begins my three days, of 12 hour shifts for work. I kind of surprise myself and what I allow myself to handle.
I just recently did an online segment for my extra class on studying habits and time management and I am really shocked at how many similarities and differences there were. First off, I do really well with memorization, I can memorize whatever it is that is asked, in a short amount of time. Words, dates, names, whatever. So in the segment it was suggested that I tried note cards because my strong suit was memory. What freaking joke! I tried the whole note card thing this night and it really ruined the time I had. I should have just stuck to my old school ways.
But, back to time,
Time is not promised, that scares me. Some people say, “Wow, 12 hours! That is the whole day!” And all I can think of in my mind, miserably, is, “Yeah you would think 12 hours would be a f****** enough.” But of course, it is not.
I do not regret taking this fourth class, and the two more over the summer. I do not regret sacrificing my youth to better myself, and make more of myself. I do not regret talking about what I do, and how I do it. One day it will all pay off. But, until then, I have to hustle my ass off.
A lot of things inspire me. A lot of it starts with who I want to be, and what I really am.
While doing something different, I had realized the conflicting patterns in my life. And those patterns consisting of friends, habits, love, and arguments. Some things won’t change and all that I can change is who I am and what I do to change those things.
Friends don’t last forever. Some are a simple undertone in ones life, and they always can be seen, but for the most part, a lot of friends drift away. It’s safe to say I am on a new voyage of loving myself. I don’t want to depend on going out to feel like a new woman. I want to be my own best friend. Self dependence is so sexy to me. And how dare I preach to others how strong independence is when I’m not that my own self at times. The older I get, day by day, I honestly see how important it is to just do what’s good for me. I have my families and Javi, and that’s all I need. I get through my days fighting my own battles, acting as a one man army. I’ve found myself getting into little tidbits of trouble for being honest and or “real”. My beloved truly believes I’m better off going through my life on my own, without anyone holding me back - the older and wiser I get, the more I believe that’s true.
I also become inspired with the way I for see my future. I want to be a nurse and I want to be a damn good nurse. I want to be able to manage my stress - because I know stress is inevitable to life (biologically speaking). I see my daughters future room, or the kitchen, or the city we raise our family in. I become so, so inspired thinking about the cars I will drive and the home we will build. I look in HGTV magazines and feel so blissful at all of the ideas that flood my mind and soul. It’s truly beautiful.
I become so inspired to be the best daughter in law (future I should say lol), I want to constantly make his parents proud and I definitely want to show them what good I can do for him. I want him to succeed and give me a little credit for helping him. It’s beautiful when him and I can already step back and look at how far we have come and it’s only been two years.
I’m a creature of habit and my ideas of inspiration constantly change. One day I want a dark, navy and gold room, and the next, I want a soft coral room. One day I want short hair and the next my hair isn’t long enough. But I always know, my main inspiration, is to always be better than I was the day before.